Winner of the 2011 NaNoWriMo after taking part in '07, '08, and '09. Came up a bit short in 2012 after a huge sprint (my problem was beginning one novel, then starting another, plus life got in the way).
I am a former radio broadcast journalist, former desktop publishing instructor, a production manager of a small West Central Saskatchewan weekly newspaper, and transitioning to work for a weekly newspaper in a small North East Saskatchewan city. I currently moved more north easterly, and am a production assistant in the city of Humboldt.
I write, and have an opinion (but then, we all do, I believe). I’m creative in that I enjoy writing, and I enjoy taking photographs. I’m not a professional photographer, but I feel there’s enjoyment in something as wonderful as a photo. I own no cats, but I’d like to (I live in an apartment, and there are rules against pets like cats and dogs in apartments, and I’m not a fish person). Plants die around me, unless I have a mother-in-laws tongue, which requires low maintenance and are quite good at cleaning the air.
The following is information about the three story properties I have been working on, two of which have been published works.
Rocket Fox: Flight of the Nighthawk by Tim Holtorf is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at http://taholtorf.wordpress.com/thebarrowsrevenge/.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://taholtorf.wordpress.com.
The Adventures of Black Mask & Pale Rider by Tim Holtorf is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at http://taholtorf.wordpress.com/bmamppr/the-series/.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://taholtorf.wordpress.com/.
Canyons of Steel by Tim Holtorf is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at http://taholtorf.wordpress.com/c-o-s/.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://taholtorf.wordpress.com/c-o-s/.
Me: *playing Tomb Raider*
Grandmother who is visiting for the weekend: Mind if I sit with you?
Me: *squirming slightly because there is gore and swearing in this game and my grandmother is a sweet old lady: Um, if you want to.
Grandmother: *sits* Thank you, dear.
Me: *continuing to play for about five minutes*
Grandmother: LOOK OUT THERE ARE THREE COMING DOWN THE HILL
Grandmother: THAT WAS POINT BLANK HOW ARE THEY ALIVE
Grandmother: OOOHH YOU MADE THAT EXPLODE
Grandmother: STOP KILLING MY GRANDDAUGHTER
Grandmother: KILL THEM KILL THEM ALL
Grandmother: OHHHHH YOU SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD OHHHHHHHHH
Grandmother: RUN RUN RUN YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE RUN
Grandmother: OKAY NOW KILL THEM ALL
Me: *slowly turns to look at her* Grandma
Grandmother: *sweet smile* Hmm?
Me: Grandma oh my god
Grandmother: *more smiling* Well, hurry up and kill everyone else, I want to see you save this Sam person.
Grandmother: Kill them.
I’ve been asked to write an introduction for myself for this week’s newspaper in Unity. Which makes sense because I’m the new guy in town. But I’m having a difficult time deciding if it should be sincere, filled with snark, or a combination of the two.
- I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid He says he can stop any time.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
- This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
- I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
- All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
- I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Velcro - what a rip off!
- Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
By my brother Wild Bill and sister Calamity Jane
Don’t bring me no flowers
Just a six gun smokin
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me”
This is true.
It’s especially true in games like Guild Wars 2 when you’re the tallest Norn that runs into the shortest Asura.